Selection A: Monster Stomp (My title not author's!)
Fay sat on the dirt floor of the cave she called home, eyeing the small monster for a moment before rolling her eyes. This particular one looked a bit like a deformed tortoise, except without the shell and with eight rows of needle teeth that could barely fit into its mouth. It hissed at her. She sighed heavily and resumed packing her books for school.
Honestly, how many more of these things did she have to kill before they got the point and left her alone? A lot, probably. They’d been coming around since as long as she could remember.
She tied her book bag shut and looked at the creature again. Again, it hissed, but this time bent down as if it were about to pounce. She lifted her foot and slammed it down on its skinny neck, severing it from the crusty body. It screamed, but its head continued to hop around, lunging for her foot. Fay dodged and got behind it, lifting her foot to crush it again, when her father suddenly flung open the curtain that separated her room from the other two rooms in the burrow.
“Fay, didn’t you hear me calling? Your breakfast is on the table.” Her father looked at her march-like stance suspiciously. “What are you doing?”
“Uh…stretching?” The monster was gnawing on her big toe. Apparently, all those intimidating looking teeth were just for show. She demonstrated a stretch by touching her toes, but really she just wanted to get her hand close enough to flick the little head away.
Selection B: Feasy
My first kiss and it tastes like onions marinated in beer. The whole weird concoction permeates my mouth when he smacks his lips like a vacuum over mine.
Some people hear bells when they get their first kiss. Me? I hear teeth clanking. Even worse, I feel his tooth ram into mine demanding my tooth move over so it could reside in my mouth instead.
We’re in the basement of some random sophomore whose name I don’t know whose parents don’t know we’re all here.
My first kiss.
And my first high school party. Not that I didn’t always want to come. Just wasn’t invited. Funny thing is, I wasn’t invited to this one either. Teeny got the invite and then the guilt and brought me, her charity-case best friend, with her.
The darkness all around makes a perfect blanket wrapping me in a cocoon of self pity as I sit waiting, wishing I was home watching old episodes of Jersey Shore instead of sitting by myself in the dark basement with dirty shag carpet watching classmates wearing way too little, drinking way too much.
And making out.
There’s so much making out on every couch in every corner, I start to think maybe I am watching Jersey Shore.
That’s when he makes his move. Kevin Darby.
I know him from Spanish class ---and football. He doesn’t just play football, he is the football team. I think he’s the fullback which means he might even weigh more than me.
But I doubt it.